Blonde jokes
1.
A blonde is driving along a deserted country road with fields on either side. She looks out the window and sees another blonde in the middle of a field, in a rowboat, rowing and rowing.
She stops the car, rolls down the window and yells, “You know it’s blondes like you who give the rest of us blondes a bad name!”
Getting no reaction from the blonde in the rowboat, she screams, “If I could swim I’d come out there and punch you out!”
2.
Q: How does a blonde guy take a shower?
A: He pees against the wind. 
3.
- A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of international capitals.
- She proudly said, “Go ahead and quiz me. I know all of them!”
- Her friend said, “O.K. then, what’s the capital of France?”
- The blonde replied, “Oh, that’s so easy! F.”
4.
- Q: How do you sink a submarine full of blondes?
- A: Knock on the door.
5.
Q: What happened when the blonde went to the movie theater?
A: She saw the “NC-17: Under 17 not admitted” sign, so she went home and got 16 friends.
6.
A blonde and a brunette were opening their paychecks when the blonde asked the brunette what she was going to buy.
The brunette replied, “I think I’ll buy a new set of plates because mine are chipped. What are you going to buy?”
The blonde said, “I think I’m gonna buy a new butt, because my old one has an enormous crack in it.”
7.
- A blonde and a guy were out on a date and they ended up at ‘’Lovers’ Cove'’ where they were making out. The guy thought that things were going pretty good and maybe he would get lucky tonight, so he thought that he would ask her if she wanted to go in the back seat.
- ‘’NO!'’ yelled the blonde.
- The guy just figured that she wasn’t ready yet. Things got pretty hot and the guy thought he would try again.
- ‘’NO!'’ the blonde yelled again.
- Things got even hotter and the blond was down to her bra and the guy even had her pants unzipped.
- ‘’Do you wanna go in the back seat yet?'’ asked the guy.
- ‘’For the last time, NO!'’ said the blonde. Frustrated, the guy asked, ‘’Well, why the hell not?'’
- The blonde looked at him and said, ‘’Because I wanna stay up here with you.'’
Hey, I know I am talking to myself!
Hey, a blonde, walks into a salon, and tells the lady she wants to get her nails painted! So the lady askes the blonde, “your toes, or your nails?” The blonde says her toes! So she does her toes, the blonde leaves. Than 5 minutes later, the blonde comes back, and says, I would like to get my toes painted! Uh……………duh, she just got them done! SO the lady says, what do you want me to do, “Die yuour hair a diffrent color, so people wil think you are just making a mistake?”
One Friday night, a guy takes a blonde out to the movies. When they get there the guy ask the blonde “What do u want to eat” she says “M&Ms.” When the guy returns, the blonde begins to pick out all the brown colored M&Ms. The guy ask “Why r u picking all the brown ones. She says, “Because I’m allergic to CHOCOLATE!”
-Curtisy of Megan (im not a blonde) hahahaha!
one day a blonde was driving in her car, and the blonde kept curving to the side and a cop pulled her over and he said excuse me mam why do u keep swirving and the blonde said well every where i go theres a tree infront of me and the police officer said theres not any trees for another 5 miles……it turns out it was her air freshener!
One day while on patrol, a police officer pulled over a car for speeding. He went up to the car and asked the driver to roll down her window. The first thing he noticed, besides the nice red sports car, was how hot the driver was! Drop dead blonde, the works.
“I’ve pulled you over for speeding, Miss… Could I see your driver’s license?”
“What’s a license?” replied the blonde, instantly giving away the fact that she was as dumb as a stump.
“It’s usually in your wallet” replied the officer.
After fumbling for a few minutes, the driver managed to find it.
“Now may I see your registration?” asked the cop.
“Registration… What’s that?” asked the blonde.
“It’s usually in your glove compartment…” said the cop impatiently. After some more fumbling, she found the registration.
“I’ll be back in a minute.” said the cop and walked back to his car. The officer phoned into the dispatch to run a check on the woman’s license and registration.
After a few moments, the dispatcher came back; “Is this woman driving a red sports car?”
“Yes….” replied the officer
“Is she a drop dead gorgeous blonde?” asked the dispatcher
“Yes” replied the cop.
“Here’s what you have to do…” Said the dispatcher. “Give her the stuff back, and drop your pants.”
“What? I can’t do that. It’s inappropriate!” exclaimed the cop.
“Trust me… Just do it…” said the dispatcher.
So the cop goes back to the car, gives back the license and registration and drops his pants, just as the dispatcher said.
The blonde looks down and sighs “Oh no… Not ANOTHER breathalyzer!”
Q: How many blones does it take to skrew in a light bulb
A: One to hold the bulb the rest to turn the house
LOL,wow!
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are running from the cops. They hide on a potato farm. They crawl into some potato bags. The first cop pokes the bag with the brunette in it. She says, “Meow.” The cop confirms that it is just a cat. The second cop pokes the bag with the redhead in it. She says, “Woof.” The cop says that it is just a dog. The third cop pokes the bag with the blonde in it. She say in her sweetest voice, “Potato.”
There is a brunette and a blonde hanging over the edge of a cliff off a piece of rope. They realize that the rope will break if one of them doesn’t let go and they will both fall to their deaths. The brunette starts this big heartwarming speech about how she is going to sacrifice herself. At the end of the speech the blonde starts clapping.
male blonde joke:
An Irishman, a Mexican and a blonde guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.
They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, “Corned beef and cabbage. If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch I’m going to jump off this building.”
The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, “Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I’m going to jump off, too.”
The blond opened his lunch and said, “Bologna again. If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I’m jumping too.”
The next day the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage and jumped to his death.
The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito and jumped, too.
The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well.
At the funeral the Irishman’s wife was weeping. She said, “If I’d known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!”
The Mexican’s wife also wept and said,”I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn’t realize he hated burritos so much.”
Everyone turned and stared at the blonde’s wife.
“Hey, don’t look at me,” she said. “He makes his own lunch.”
Q:How do you drown a blonde?
A:Put a scratch-and-sniff sticker on the bottom of a pool.